


Unlikely Events

by Alcantrez



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Needs a Hug, Sad Connor (Detroit: Become Human), because the game didn't give me enough of that, this is just abt Connor feeling guilty and hating himself, wow there is a tag for that ahaha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25897057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alcantrez/pseuds/Alcantrez
Summary: Infiltrating the CyberLife Tower is a suicide mission. Connor knows that. Connor doesn't care.
Relationships: Connor & Markus (Detroit: Become Human)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 47





	Unlikely Events

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, friends! This is literally my first piece of non-academic writing in English and my first piece of prose in years! I'm sure you can actually 'hear' my academic voice in this but it is what it is, I promise it will get better again the more I write.   
> Pls excuse the weird formatting, I don't know how anything works here yet. I'll figure it out!
> 
> Also, like many of you, I have felt compelled to start writing again because of this game (thank you, David Cage, if you had done your characters justice, I wouldn't be here now).

When Markus looks at him, eyes wide with disbelief, and says ‘Connor, that’s suicide!’, he should know that Connor is aware of that. Of course he is, has already figured out the exact chance that his infiltration of the Cyberlife Tower will be successful, has calculated the exact amount of ways he could die. No doubt he has been playing preconstructions in his head since they left the ship.And yet Markus says it, has to say it because he cannot let Connor risk his life for a mission that has such a high probability of failing, has to say it because if he can’t do anything to stop him, at least he can show that he cares. Connor deserves this much, at least - to know that he is no longer being used, no longer expected to put his life on the line for missions that have little to do with him or what he wants for people who see him as a tool and little else. To know that he is _wanted_ here, that he matters, to someone, to Markus, at least.

‘Statistically speaking, there’s always a chance for unlikely events to take place’, Connor says, softly. He intends for it to sound reassuring, more so for Markus than for himself. It means ‚I know’ and ‚but what if it works?‘, and ‚don’t worry‘ and, specifically, ‚don’t worry about me‘. But it also carries a promise - whatever happens, it will help Jericho more than him staying, doing nothing. Contributing nothing. Receiving an acceptance he has done nothing to deserve. Connor _will_ do his part. He has to. Markus may have forgiven him, but for Connor, it is not that simple. Guilt lies in his stomach like a rock, dense and heavy.

He’s afraid the others may think that he walks freely. Not for a moment does he want to seem like he doesn’t know what he has done. It’s not just one decision that he is responsible for, that he has to make up for. It is everything. He has to make up for _everything._

_Deviant hunter_.

The thought makes him sick.

_I trust you_. Markus’ words from earlier echo inside his head, fill it until there is no space for anything else.

_I trust you_. Something in his chest tightens. His thirium pump feels like someone is squeezing it with hard, cold hands. He wishes he could stop replaying that memory.

_I trust you._

Don’t.

The memory splutters.   
_I don’t trust myself_ , he thinks. And: _I don’t deserve your trust_. And: _Don’t worry - about me_.

And _what if_ \- and this is a thought he almost can’t bear to finish - _what if it isn’t over yet?_ What if CyberLife still has control over him? What if Amanda is still there, somewhere, lurking behind a red wall he hasn’t yet broken down? What if it can’t be broken down? What if it’s not safe, being around him, having him here? Suddenly he feels cold, dread creeping up his spine, his tongue dry with fear. He can’t be responsible for another massacre.

‚Be careful.‘ Markus smiles at him, presses his shoulder firmly as he walks away. For a moment, the warmth of his hand lingers where he touched Connor. It’s heavy and strange on his skin.

_I trust_ you.  
_I don’t deserve your trust_. _I don’t trust myself_. _Don’t worry about me_.

If he dies tonight, Connor hopes, his guilt will die with him.  
If he dies tonight, he won’t survive the people who have died because of him. It would only be fair. If he dies tonight, CyberLife will lose control over him once and for all. It would only be safe.

If he dies tonight, he will deserve their trust and forgiveness, at least. It could never be enough, of course. He could never _do_ enough. One death cannot bring back hundreds of lives lost. Blood cannot be washed away with blood.

If he succeeds - oh. He doesn’t want to let himself consider that.

_There’s always a chance for unlikely events to take place._ This is true, and he meant it when he said it. But he hopes for it to be wrong tonight more than he would like to admit.

If he succeeds, he hopes, he will not return a hero. The idea alone leaves a metallic taste in his mouth. He’s not a hero.

_Deviant hunter_.

He can’t offer much. Hundreds of lives lost cannot be brought back. Waking up the androids at CyberLife - it could only be the beginning of an apology.

_Your place is with your people_.

The truth is, there is no place for him, especially not here, not even with Hank, not anymore - w _hat if we’re on the wrong side, Connor?_ He should have listend. His eyes are burning. He lets them.

_What do you want, Connor?_

The truth is, he does not care if he lives or dies. The truth is, wrongs need to be admitted, wrongs need to be righted. He will try as much tonight, if nothing else.


End file.
